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April 14, 2011
I hear her breathing—that raspy up and down cadence I have listened to for the past three weeks. The relentless noise makes it impossible to sleep. It is 2:00am and I have been listening to this creature agonize me for the past two hours. Why do I fear her so much? She is my own flesh and blood, yet I lie here silently wondering if I will be here in the morning. What kind of father am I? What kind of father secretly plots opportunities to quietly disappear in the middle of the night instead of facing another day with his daughter? For two weeks I prayed for God to heal her, but of course he ignored my desperate cries. What kind of God would allow my daughter to suffer when I offered my own life to heal her? God and I both know the future she will have if she continues to live. She will be mocked, pitied, ignored, and told how she is different from everyone else. When people look at her, they will only notice her differences and not her similarities. The Down syndrome parents I read about are only tricking themselves into thinking their child is normal. All of my friends have normal children who they can watch grow and develop, but not us. My daughter will never go to college, never get married, never have children, and never experience the intimacy of being touched by someone that truly loves her.
What some are saying about "Failing At Fatherhood"
"Heartbreaking yet hopeful, Failing at Fatherhood is a compelling, honest look at one man’s struggle to become the father that he wants to be."
- S. A. Bodeen
Award Winning Children Author
Author of The Compound and The Gardener
"Raw. Emotional. Honest. That’s Jack Barr, wearing his emotions on his sleeve, in his book Failing at Fatherhood. If you’ve ever been traumatized by the birth of an imperfect baby, if you’ve ever found yourself in the pit of despair questioning God and wondering how you will cope, the story of Jack, his wife Jana, and their precious little Marley will not only touch your heart, it will wrench it. But there is hope in their story—the hope that only a good God can bring. Read Failing at Fatherhood and prepare to be changed."
- Dr. Woodrow Kroll
Former President and Senior Bible Teacher of
BACK TO THE BIBLE INTERNATIONAL
"Failing at Fatherhood is artfully and candidly written to evoke painful, but therapeutic memories of when we, as fathers, may have fallen short of the high standard set by our Heavenly Father. It reminds us of the important calling we have as dads, especially in the 21st Century when fathers are less and less a part of the family and contribute less and less to helping our kids grow to be responsible, mature, Christian adults."
- Bob Russell
Retired Senior Minister, Southeast Christian Church