Throw up, throw up, and more throw up!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; “

And a time to be SICK. We arrived in Bangkok Sunday July 22 after a 30-hour journey. Our plan for the first week was for me to watch Marley, and Jana would attend new teacher orientation. The plan started great until Marley woke up Wednesday night throwing up. She went on to throw up five times that night while we got very little sleep. By Sunday Jana had gotten very little accomplished in her classroom, and I was tired of cleaning up puke, so we took Marley to the doctor. Hello Rotavirus!  Sunday we were relieved to get a diagnosis for Marley, but then Jana started feeling sick. Sunday night, Jana started to throw up and it became evident that she was also sick. So, on Monday I went to full staff orientation alone. At orientation I explained Jana was sick, but I thought I would be ok because I had gotten sick at Christmas with a gastric virus. Well, Wednesday night that changed. As Marley started feeling better I began clutching the toilet for my round of vomiting. We finally all felt better by Sunday night.

When I am sick I think the world is ending. But, when Jana is sick, I become very frustrated. Why can’t she suck it up and feel better? I don’t know why I have very little sympathy when Jana is sick. I believe we all carry a little of that in our marriages. We often think, “I feel bad for my sick spouse, but I need him or her to hurry up and feel better”.  When Jana is ill, I quickly realize daily tasks are much more manageable when she is there to help me. I often think about my dad dying from cancer when sickness hits our family, and how my mom cared for him. Me sleeping one night on the couch while my girls were puking, seems trivial compared to caring for someone for over a year.

This past week reminded me of the marriage vows I took, in sickness and in health. Of course, this time was just a minor gastric virus, but I am sure more sickness will come our way. When that time comes, I am going to take some time and pray for patience. It is difficult for me when the daily routine is thrown off, but it is essential I care for my family. And certainly, pray for your family when sickness strikes instead of being frustrated. Remember, there is a season for everything and sometimes that season is cleaning up your loved one’s vomit.

Send All Financial Gifts To: 

Ripe for Harvest P.O. Box 487 Monumnet, CO 80132

Memo: Jack & Jana Barr  ID#212                                                          

When will the hard times come?

“Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life. I have seen everything in this meaningless life, including the death of good young people and the long life of wicked people. 

            I have the belief that when things are going great, something tragic is around the corner. I don’t know why my mind is wired this way. But, I have realized that this thought process has robbed me of some glorious times in my life because I was worried about the future. I find myself in this place now. Next year Jana will be teaching at ICS and Marley will be attending ICS as a student. Our main prayer for the past seven years has been answered and I can’t even enjoy the moment because I am wondering what negative thing is going to happen next. Why do we often carry the belief that for every good thing that happens in our lives something bad will counter it? We know as believers that God does not adhere to a karma approach, but we often can’t escape the thought of everything is going too well right now. As the writer of Ecclesiastes explains above, the future will bring both prosperity and hard times in our lives, but all of it comes from God.

           And that is really the stumbling block for us as believers. When we have prosperity, it is God’s plan. When we have hard times, it is God’s plan. Every single day we live, God has a plan for us. In college, I would adamantly argue with my professors that I had an enormous amount of free will in my life and I was in control. As I age, I am realizing that I have less control of my life, and that’s ok. I often refer to my father’s death as an example, because I think it is an extremely difficult event that altered my life course. I know if my father had not died when I was young, I would not be doing what I am doing today. Am I happy that my father died when I was nineteen? Of course not, but I have realized God used his death to change me. As Christians, our difficult times have a purpose, and that makes them powerful, but not easy. Often, we do not want to embrace God’s plan during heartache, which is understandable, but be encouraged that when hard times strike, God has a plan. My father might not have seen who I have become, but God used his life and death to lead me to Christianity. And isn’t that what we want for our children, regardless of the sacrifices?

UPDATES -We will be sharing at Poplar Springs Church in King NC on July 1st. 

Check out this article from our speech therapist in Thailand. When you trust, great things can happen.

http://www.theexpatspeechie.com/blog/prompt-what-all-the-fuss-is-about

Bangkok Mask

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are.”

            AQI, I had no idea what this acronym meant until two weeks ago. Jana sent me a text at school and told me I should check the Air Quality Index in Bangkok. I looked up the Air Quality Index for Bangkok and found that we were at 186 which is considered an unhealthy level for everyone. This led to emails to our administration, implementation of an outdoor activity chart based on air quality, and Jana purchasing air ventilation masks for our family.

            The first week the air did not bother me very much and I continued my regular exercise routine. But, the second week I started having headaches during the day and especially after exercising. I decided to give the mask a try, but the mask was not very convenient, and it was very cumbersome when I would run. I quickly learned that running with an air purifying mask on was extremely difficult because I could not inhale enough oxygen fast enough to keep up with the demands of my body while running. So, I was stuck. I could either inhale polluted Bangkok air while exercising, or I could try and suck in enough oxygen through my air purification mask while exercising. I decided to stay with the mask.

            We all struggle with wearing masks. Unfortunately, as Christians we have perfected the art of wearing masks while interacting with our friends, family and fellow believers. “Everything is fine. No problem. Yes, we are doing great.” We have this belief that it is more important for us to appear to have everything together instead of removing our masks and exposing our true selves. But, just like me struggling last week to run with a mask on, we find it harder to keep our masks on when life becomes difficult.  In fact, there were times that I felt like the mask was suffocating me when I was exercising. Why do we wait until life is unbearable before we remove our masks and seek help? We all have faults that we want to cover up, but instead of seeking support we decide to conceal our imperfections. He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. The masks we are wearing are not only hampering our own spiritual growth, but the masks are also robbing us of helping others in similar situations. This week consider removing some masks from your life.  Seek healing through sharing and supporting one another instead of being concerned about what you might reveal. When we come before God without our masks; true healing begins.

A Joyous, Sad Christmas

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light"            John Keith Falconer

            Last weekend Jana and I were invited to lunch with an alumnus of ICS. When I started working at ICS in 2006, he was a freshman and the starting point guard for my varsity basketball team. I had the opportunity to teach, coach, and mentor this young man for four years. After graduating from ICS, he went to college and is now opening a medical center in Bangkok. Since his graduation, we have kept in touch and shared what was happening in our lives. But, last week at lunch he shared something new with me. After finishing lunch, he said, “Jack, I have been many places and met many people, but nothing compares to my experience at ICS. The community and support that was shown to me at ICS has never been replicated anywhere else.”

            Christmas is always a difficult time for us because we must choose between staying here for the holidays, or going home. When we go home for Christmas it is always an exciting time of reconnecting with family, and enjoying the festivities. But, when we stay in Bangkok, we have the opportunity to reconnect with alumni that we have not seen in many years. Often spiritual issues that never manifested for these young men and women in high school, become front and center in our conversations with them as adults. I often tell Jana that I believe the relationships we continue with ICS students after graduation is far more significant than anything we do at ICS.

            On January 3rd, we have organized an alumni reunion basketball game at ICS. We are expecting over 25 alumni that played basketball at ICS over the past 15 years to attend. Some of these alumni I have not seen in several years, but we are all coming together for a night of fellowship. It amazes me that so many graduates of ICS come around during the holidays just to say hello to former teachers and friends. I believe it shows the uniqueness of a school that values community first. Please pray for us as we spend time playing a game we love and catching up with each other.

            Christmas is certainly not as festive in Thailand as it is in North Carolina. Just this week I was telling Jana how I felt guilty for not taking Marley to NC for Christmas. But, Jana reminded me of something that is far more important than Marley being home for Christmas. Marley being here as we eat, share stories, and reconnect with students that God gave us an opportunity to teach for several years. We will miss our family this holiday season, but we believe God will use this time for us to continue sharing His love with our former students that are now adults.

Me, Myself, and I

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as ransom for many.” 

I have been doing this teaching thing for 14 years. It has been a very rewarding and humbling job for me over the years. I feel the more I teach, the more God shows me the numerous faults in my own life. Being a teacher has taught me more about my own beliefs than anything I have shared with my students. But, I believe one trait has become worse in my students over the past decade; self-entitlement.

My father was adamantly opposed to the idea of self-entitlement. In fact, I would dare to say he was on the opposite side of that fence. There was a situation early in my life in which I was chosen for an all-star team, and my father coached the team. He told the coaching panel that I was not eligible to be selected for the all-star team, because I did not deserve to be on the team over some other kids. I remember him explaining to me that he did not think I was good enough to be on the team, and he never wanted anyone to question him about favoritism. I often think about my dad keeping me off that all-star team when I have parents complaining to me about their child not getting an award, more playing time, or recognition. I believe we are raising a generation of “me first people” that will greatly shape what our society values the next hundred years.

But, let’s be honest, parents have always been crazy when it comes to their children and athletics. The shift I am starting to notice is not the parent’s belief in self-entitlement, but actual players complaining to me about not getting what they deserve. Growing up it did not matter what I thought of a coach at any level, he or she was in charge and their decision was final. Don’t get me wrong, a coach should not be served as a dictator, but the shift I am seeing in players belief in self-entitlement is discouraging.

Unfortunately, Christians are often the worst when we discuss self-entitlement. There are Christian schools I have competed against and coached for that desperately embrace the idea of self-entitlement. Which, based on my limited knowledge of the scriptures, is the opposite of Christ’s message to us. As followers, we should expect to be treated unfairly. And when we are, we should not throw tantrums and proclaim life is unfair, because in the grand scheme of things, we only deserve death and are saved by Christ’s sacrifice for us.

Looking back, I am proud of my father for keeping me off that all-star team, because it showed me something that I rarely see today. A person that believed accolades for his own son was not as important as personal relationships with players, coaches and our community.

We will continue to team with Ripe for Harvest if you are interested in contributing to Marley’s therapy, education, and medical expense fund. One new thing with Ripe for Harvest is electronic contributions. So, now you can contribute online by following the link below. After choosing a method of payment, scroll through till you find Jack Barr 20212

https://www.ripeforharvest.org/donate/  

Dear Society....

You caught me at a bad time this morning. Normally I don’t engage in conversations concerning my daughter, but when you suggest that the financial burden of my daughter to the health care industry is unbearable, I get a little upset. In fact, you go as far to say that it was my moral obligation to eliminate my daughter’s life prenatally, and since I did not, I should face financial consequences by the government. So, society let me educate you on a few things I have learned over the past six years from raising a Down syndrome girl in your world.

First and foremost, my wife and I have never received a dime from the government because our daughter has Down syndrome. In fact, we have often paid for numerous things out of our own pocket because the government did not see the need for those services or medical procedures. Early on our daughter was labeled as high functioning, so instead of supporting her with valuable services, we were told she was doing “too well” for additional services. So, instead of robbing our daughter of necessary support, we dug deep into our own savings and got her private services. At the same time, we tried taking her to numerous clubs and schools to be told, “Yes, she is doing great, but since she has Down syndrome, she cannot be here.” Maybe I should have been more like you society, and sued everyone that said, “Not welcome here”, for discriminating against my daughter.

It is disheartening to think that leaders of any country would state people that act, look, or behave differently are too much of a financial burden to deserve life. I don’t protest when my tax dollars go toward numerous things that I disagree with because I know people in society need support. I don’t argue that we should eliminate groups of people because of government costs, but that is you new stance on future generations of Down syndrome children. Why stop at Down syndrome? Why not eliminate any fetus that will “live a life not worthy of living”? Why not carry it on to children and adults? Let’s have a financial cost threshold mandate for everyone, and when that is crossed, it signals their life is unworthy to continue.

So, society let me put you at ease about the future of my daughter. My wife and I both have life insurance policies that should cover expenses if one of us should perish. My brother and his wife, which are both financially secure, have agreed to care for our daughter in case something happens to us. We have also delayed having additional children to make sure we can provide for our daughter. I believe my wife and I are doing everything we can to help our daughter not be a burden to society. So, why don’t you move on to some other things that are probably draining government funds? I am sure that a quick search would reveal some other families, people groups, and illnesses that are a substantial drain to your health care system. I could take the time to list numerous things here, but let’s be honest, Down syndrome health care cost is not really the foundation of your argument. The real issue is Down syndrome people and how you see them as undesirable people in society. If we can eliminate people with Down syndrome, then we don’t have to see, talk, or interact with them in society. You know, there was once another society that viewed certain people as undesirable, and this was their slogan - "Lebensunwertes Leben," or "Life Unworthy of Life." But this was different right, because modern society is only focused on eliminating unborn children with Down syndrome and who cares about them?

Why are you back???

This morning I was sitting at the coffee stand talking to the barista. Jana and I developed a good relationship with her last time we lived in Thailand. In fact, she even read my book! J About halfway through our conversation she said, “Jack, can I ask you a question? Why did you move back? When I looked at your Facebook pictures last year, everything was so beautiful and you guys looked so happy.” I laughed uncomfortably and said, “Actually, we missed your coffee so much that we had to come back.” We both laughed and I moved on to another conversation topic.

We have experienced the, “Why are you back?”, question several times since moving back. It has come in various forms from various people, but it always has the same quizzical undertone. And honestly, when we attempt to answer that question, it’s difficult. Living stateside last year allowed us to speak our own language, enjoy majestic scenery, regularly visit our family, and easily find support for Marley. There were numerous things we enjoyed about living in the States and still miss today. But, like many difficult questions that we encounter in life we must go back to our creator. Because without acknowledging a calling from God, there is no reasonable explanation for us moving back. Simply, we believe God called us back to serve at ICS Bangkok. Funny how that’s a simple answer to type, but not a simple answer to share with our coffee lady.

Since moving back, we have read a Bible story every night with Marley. But last night it was late, so I just told her an abbreviated story of Jonah and the Big Fish. Of course, Marley’s favorite part was Jonah being spit back out, but telling her that story made me think about us moving back. When we found out about the job opening at ICS last Jan, we felt torn. I think friends and family thought we just gleefully decided, but we spent many weeks arguing about what to do. We discussed all the comfortable things we would be giving up if we moved back to Bangkok. We even went through a period of resistance that was similar to Jonah, but God nudge us toward returning. And now after being back for three weeks, God is revealing the new plan he has for us at ICS Bangkok. Leaving was not easy for us this time, but God has shown us the great things that can be done at ICS.

15 Years (Oct 13 2016)

I remember how nervous I was fifteen years ago while waiting for Jana to walk down the aisle at our wedding.  As I stood there anxiously, the thought of fleeing the scene crossed my mind.  As I wrestled with running or staying, the ceremonial music started and Jana walked toward me through the falling autumn leaves.  It was a surreal moment that I will never forget.  Any doubt that had creeped into my mind quickly vanished as I admired the beautiful woman that would soon be my wife.

Our marriage has not been what we envisioned on that October day many years ago.  There have been dark moments in which it was difficult to be in the same room together and joyous times in which our hearts were overflowing with love.  It has been fascinating to see our marriage evolve from newlyweds, to moving overseas, to having Marley, to now being back in the States. 

Last week I had a friend, who is in love, ask me what was the most important thing I had learned in fifteen years of marriage.  I thought for a minute and said that the most important thing in marriage was embracing difficulties and celebrating blessings.  I explained to him that it reminded me of when I first started coaching after college.  Early on as a coach I never celebrated victories as much as I suffered from defeat.  Basically, when I lost as a coach, it impacted me more than enjoying a victory with my players. Unfortunately, I took the same approach when I first married Jana.  The difficulties in our marriage would drastically impact our relationship, but the joyous blessings from God we would skim over without genuinely rejoicing.  Since Marley’s birth we have taken the time to truly celebrate the blessings and accomplishments God bestows on us.  Why wouldn’t we?  God desires for us to enjoy life as a loving married couple, so we should recognize and embrace His goodness.  We still have difficulties in our marriage, but when we have occasions of joy, we take the time to be present.  I finished my mini sermon by encouraging my friend to grieve when your marriage hurts, and celebrate when your marriage is blessed.

Remember you can also find us @ https://twitter.com/jackjanamarley  http://www.mybigjesus.com/  http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/

When God Does......He Does!

           Over the past six months God has taught me that few things in life are more humbling than change. When we were at ICS, I thought I was something.  In fact, reflecting back now, my title as Athletic Director became an idol that I worshiped.  Over a 10 period I built a program that was successful and the Bangkok athletic community knew who I was.  Even when we came to the States in the summer, we would walk around with an arrogance of, “Um, yes, we are missionaries.”  Little did I know that God would not only provide the speech therapy Marley needed in the States, but He would also humble me.

            Several things have happened these past six months that has caused us to embrace the despair of humility.  First I worked at a school in which no one cared about my “great accomplishments” in Bangkok, Thailand.  I also coached baseball at a local high school and we only won six games all season.  I had not coached a team with a losing record in over ten years.  Then this summer I started delivering pizzas to help us financially as we figured out our next move.  It was always an experience when I would deliver a pizza to our previous friends in Knoxville.  In fact, one night I had to deliver pizza to a group of friends from college, which included an ex-girlfriend, and they gave me a sympathetic large tip.  But the main thing God used to humble me the past six months was an MRI. 

             Within a few weeks of moving back, I started having dizziness and vision problems.  I went to the doctor after a few months and she ordered an MRI because she was afraid I might have a growth in my inner ear.  Of course I immediately assumed I was dying and the only thing I could think about was my father dying of a brain tumor.  During the MRI, the technicians would not tell me anything and they had to take additional images for the doctor.  After the test I had to wait a week for the results.  Of course that week I was a total wreck and I had already planned out my funeral.  You know, few things seem important when you believe you might be dying.  When the doctor gave me the tumor free results, I cried and hugged her.  Immediately I apologized, but explained that I was just thankful to God for the results, a serious sinus infection.

           So, here I am now, a humbled man.  After losing my athletic director title, becoming a rookie teacher again, delivering pizzas, and enduring the questions of my health, God has taught me humility.  No matter what I think I am, I am not. God is the driving force behind everything I do and I should be content with serving Him.  My father used to tell me, “You are getting too big for your britches” and that is precisely what had manifested in my life the past ten years in Thailand.  Even though we moved back for Marley, God used this opportunity to strip away the idols that encouraged me to believe in myself instead of Him.  I am sure I will become prideful again, but for today, I thank God for humbling me.

Update

Where are we now? I have accepted a position at The King’s Academy in Knoxville, TN as a boy’s dorm director.  We will live in an apartment on campus and parent 18 international boys in a dorm.  We will basically be their parental guidance while they attend school at TKA.  Jana will also work part time in the girl’s dorm and sub occasionally at TKA.  Marley will be attending a transitional kindergarten class three days a week and continue her therapy appointments two days a week.  I will also be the Varsity Girls’ Soccer coach at TKA and Jana will be teaching Holy Yoga in Knoxville.  We are excited to be working with international students again and investing in their lives. 

·      We will keep our Ripe for Harvest account open and use those funds to assist in Marley’s therapy and development. 

·      We will also continue to send newsletters periodically about our experiences in TN and TKA.

Remember you can also find us @ https://twitter.com/jackjanamarley  http://www.mybigjesus.com/  http://www.iftheyhadavoice.org/

 

It's OK to be Sad!

God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

            The night before we left Thailand we were all three lying in our bed.  Basically the only thing left in our house was a bed, so we all cuddled up together that last night.  As Marley was sleeping I looked over at Jana and started sobbing.  Jana looked at me and said, “I know.”   Through sobs I told her, “I don’t want to leave Thailand; is there anyway we can stay?”  She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “We have tried everything, and God is making it clear that we need to go back to the States.”  I rolled over and said, “ I know.”

            The next day, somewhere over the Pacific, Marley handed me her Inside Out book and asked me to read.  I was doing fine until the end of the book when the character Joy realizes that it is ok for someone to be sad.  The character Joy accepts that sadness is essential for a person to recover and heal.  I started to cry and instantly Marley gave me a hug.  Jana looked over at me and said, “What is wrong?”  I smiled and said,  “It’s ok to be sad.”

            Moving to the States has been a difficult transition for us.  Numerous times this past month we have talked about the desperate loneliness we have felt living in TN.  It is not because of the absence of friends or family in Knoxville, but instead the reality of leaving everything behind.  While living in Thailand we learned how to love one another, lost a child, had Marley, and celebrated many milestones together.  We did not leave a home that we can visit on holidays, but instead we left a life that we might never revisit.  It hurts, and the only remedy we have found is embracing our sadness and seeking God together.

            So now what?  We are living in Knoxville, TN.  Jana is working to put together our apartment, connect with therapists, and find Marley medical services.  I am teaching Elementary PE, an age I have never taught, coaching baseball at a local high school, and trying to figure out how to adjust to American life.  We ask that you lift us up in prayers when possible, because we are learning that transition, is a long difficult process.